M-more pointless crack. PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT I DON'T PLAN ON DOING THIS SORT OF FAILBOAT VERY OFTEN. It's even more fail than my usual crap. =__=

Also: this is terribly overdue. I'm really, really sorry!



Title: Intervention
Characters/Pairing(s): Rokudo Mukuro (69), Hibari Kyouya (18), Sawada Tsunayoshi (27)
Rating: PG FOR PEDO-GAY!
Summary: Tsuna comes home from a mission. Mukuro and Hibari are waiting for him. Strangeness ensues.
Notes: The title is taken from the 31_days theme for October 29, 2008.



Intervention.


The Vongola Mansion was eerily silent by the time Sawada Tsunayoshi stumbled through the door, wetter than a drowned rat and sore in places that no human being should have been sore in. The young boss gave himself ten minutes to catch his breath before trudging up to his room. With Gokudera Hayato attending to a hit order in London and Yamamoto Takeshi batting for the Tigers back in Japan, Tsuna was expecting to come back to an empty room and all the documents from his latest mission located everywhere save the place that they were supposed to be in (stacked on his desk), just as he had left it about fourteen hours ago. What he WASN’T expecting was bright lights, a pleasantly warmed room, and a familiar, sing-song voice annunciating each syllable of his name, calibrated at the pitch that was perfect for annoying the hell out of anybody who heard it.

“Tsu~na~yo~shi~kun!”

Rokudo Mukuro was the bundle of joy wrapped in black leather on the edge of his desk, smiling a smile that reminded Tsuna of little boys, fluffy kittens, and deep barrels with fires lighted underneath them. In the face of imminent doom and almost certain sexual molestation to an unbelievable degree, Tsuna said the most intelligent thing that anyone could have said, had they been in his position.

“…Bwuh?”

“How was the mission? Did you kill them all? Was it fun?”

Mukuro babbled on and on as he tugged Tsuna into the room, taking advantage of the situation with the same professional ease that he applied to murder and mocking Gokudera at the dinner table. Tsuna, was only just starting to wrap his head around the situation when he found himself in the doorway of the bathroom, staring at Hibari Kyouya from where the latter was seated by the bathtub, shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, mixing the water.

“You’re late, Sawada. Get in.”

“E-e-e-e-eh?”

“Kyouya~ don’t be so mean to him~ oh, here, Tsunayoshi-kun. Let me help you with that!”

And Mukuro was stripping him of his clothes and pushing him into the tub while taking off HIS clothes and proceeding to join him in the tub, as though it were perfectly natural for two men to be naked in one tub together.

“Wha—”

“Stop squirming, Sawada. Wash your hair.”

Hibari was wearing the same face that he used during those negotiations involving smoking guns and bodies in the river as he held out a sponge and bottles of soap, shampoo and conditioner. When Tsuna took a second too long to respond the way he was supposed to, his Cloud Guardian rolled his eyes and squeezed some shampoo into his hand.

“Well?”

“I’ll do it!” Mukuro chirped – and he proceeded to push Tsuna under the water.



After thirty agonizing minutes of Hibari scrubbing him with the sort of ferocity that angry wives reserved for dirty dishes and Mukuro taking every spare chance to molest him or attempt to drown him in the tub (or do a very odd combination of both), Tsuna found himself seated in between his most vicious Guardians as they argued over hair brushes and the proper color their boss’ pajamas ought to be on a Wednesday evening.

“I want to brush his hair, Kyouya~”

“You might take his skull off. You nearly drowned him earlier.”

“Oya, oya~ my hand slipped!”

“…Um…” Tsuna winced when he found two glares swiveled in his direction. “I-I can take care of myself, Hibari-san… Mukuro-san! Really!”

Hibari and Mukuro stared at him for three full seconds before answering, at exactly the same time and in exactly the same tone, with:

“If I really believed that, then I wouldn’t be here.”

The two Guardians turned on each other yet again, as though Tsuna didn’t exist at all.

“You just want an excuse to kiss his neck, Kyouya~”

“I don’t need one.”

“Of course you do~ didn’t you know that he’s mine?”

And as they continued to bicker, Tsuna watched them, realized that he sort of enjoyed their very strange company and roundabout way of showing that maybe they DID care about him just a smidgen, and hoped to the high heavens that nothing was going to explode.